


The Girl in Barcelona

by caitirin



Category: Road to El Dorado (2000)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Best Friends, Caper Fic, Friendship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 20:19:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caitirin/pseuds/caitirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just what did happen with that girl in Barcelona?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Girl in Barcelona

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vocal_bard (atrickstertype)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/atrickstertype/gifts).



> Super big thanks to my WONDERFUL beta, E. Without her help this story would not have gotten done in time. Thank you for your invaluable help!
> 
> I tried to go for a good Caper Fic here. Miguel and Tulio up to their normal antics, trying to Get Rich Quick and have some fun while doing it. I hope you enjoy it!

Tulio wasn't so sure about this idea. In truth he wasn't so sure about a lot of Miguel's ideas, so this uncertainty wasn't really something new. It was kind of hard to derail Miguel once he got one of these ideas into his head. He just got so incredibly enthusiastic about his ideas that it was hard to say 'no'. Him making the sad puppy face didn't hurt his chance of Tulio going along with his hare brained schemes either.

But the idea _did_ have merit this time. Probably. I mean, gold was gold, right? Right.

"-and it's inscribed on a golden chalice-" Miguel had been saying.

"Wait." Tulio was really listening now. "Is that solid gold or just gold plated?"

"Solid. It's fourteen inches tall, and on the inside of the cup part there's an inscription-" Miguel gestured excitedly.

"You mentioned rubies earlier?"

"Yes, studded all around the base -and the inscription gives the location of the lost city of-"

"Okay. I'm sold," Tulio said. "Now we need a plan to grab it."

Miguel beamed. "I knew you'd like this idea! So what's our plan?"

Tulio looked up at the looming spires of the cathedral. It was a daunting sight. He took a few steps back to gain some perspective. He bumped into a priest wearing a black cassock and almost fell back into the street. Miguel steadied him and the priest looked them both over sternly.

Tulio paused as he looked at the priest. An idea started forming in his head. He dragged Miguel off down the street. "Right, a plan..."

Miguel followed Tulio up the ramshackle stairs to the tiny room they were renting from a very large and verbally abusive woman. She made Tulio's hair stand on end, but she appealed to his baser nature. She rented for cheap.

Miguel said that she was just loud and not really mean. Tulio said Miguel was too trusting for his own good.

They sat down at the table. Tulio grabbed a cup and two pots of ink. "All right. Here's the chalice." He set the cup down on the table. "Inside the church. And here's us." He set the ink pots side by side.

Miguel watched intently He folded his arms on the table and watched Tulio setting up his props. The more props for a plan the better it was, at least that was the case with Tulio's plans. Miguel's plans always involved a lot more gesturing and sometimes handstands. To demonstrate. Miguel hoped that the prettier ink pot was the one that was supposed to be him.

"We grab some cassocks."

"From the laundry line?" Miguel asked.

"Sounds good, from the laundry line," Tulio continued, miming stealing things from an invisible laundry line. He put some tiny paper cones over the ink pots to represent the stolen cassocks. "And we sneak into the church in the dead of night." He moved the little ink pots close to the cup. One of the little 'cassocks' fell off.

Miguel replaced the cassock (it had fallen off ink pot Tulio's head).

"We grab the chalice--" he put the cup next to the inkpots, "run like heck--" he shoved the inkpots and cup to the edge of the table, "and jump a caravan to France." He grabbed up both ink pots and the cup.

"Great plan!" Miguel jumped up applauding. "Let's do it tonight!" He made for the door.

"We have to wait until tomorrow. And you," Tulio pointed at Miguel. "are engaged to appear in that drama about the pirates in half an hour."

"Well, yes..." He sagged like a repentant puppy. Miguel was always willing to give that a miss if the prospect of a daring heist with Tulio was in the offing.

"Besides, it will give me time to make some notes so we can be sure we'll slip in undetected and be able to get back out again."

"Always a plus," Miguel said resigned.

"So, you, off to be a swashbuckling pirate. I will acquire us some suitable costume for tomorrow night," Tulio said with a grin.

"Avast!" Miguel said, assuming his best pirate fencing stance. "I shall be the fairest pirate ever to sail the seven seas. Mothers, keep your daughters close! Miguel, the Pirate King, shall be fast upon you." Miguel waggled his eyebrows.

Tulio stifled a grin.

After Miguel had left for the theater Tulio rubbed his hands together and headed out in search of some cassocks that would disguise them in the cathedral tomorrow night. He shook his head remembering what Miguel had said about stealing them from a laundry line. Like that would ever work. If things were really that easy they wouldn't need to be con men!

He made it to the cathedral and there were a few people passing by, mostly on their way to other places. Perfect, no one paying special attention. Tulio lounged at the edge of the courtyard surveying the area. When he was reasonably certain that no one was watching he took a few large steps back and darted behind a bush. He crept along a hedge surreptitously until he found himself in a secluded garden behind the cathedral.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me." Tulio stared ahead of him.

Just ten feet away, swinging in the gentle night breeze, freshly laundered, hung two black cassocks, complete with matching belts.

He stood there for a few minutes, disbelieving this oddly fortuitous luck. Then he darted forward, grabbed the cassocks and ducked around the hedges and ran back to their rooms.

///

Miguel had just finished his best ever performance as the pirate king. He considered each night to be better than the last and therefore he felt that he'd done his best ever each night. Judging from the rain of roses he couldn't be too far off.

He got such a rush standing up there taking a bow with the rest of the cast at the end. People could say whatever they wanted about how actors were all immoral, but people still came to see them, and it was enough for Miguel. People screamed that they loved him. He felt himself walking on air whenever he was on stage. He smiled and bowed again. He only felt like that in one other situation. And people approved of that kind of thing even less than they did of acting.

Everyone was going out for a drink and Miguel wasn't about to miss all that, besides, Tulio might be preparing late into the night, better to be out of the way and not underfoot during the formation of a plan.

The next few hours were simply rosy; Miguel lost count of how many rounds had gone around, but things looked warm and a little fuzzy. And the girls all looked so pretty. He told them so. They giggled. And where had that charming pair of twins just come from? They sat down next to him and swam back into one girl. Oh, so that many rounds. Miguel smiled.

"Hey there, pirate king," She said. She leaned up against him.

Miguel couldn't help but notice how warm and... pleasantly squishy she was. Especially in the chest area. "Hi..." He smiled crookedly.

"So, does your pirate experience extend past the stage?" She ran her fingers across his chest. Ooh that felt nice.

"Well, only... sort of." Miguel thought about it. "Well, there was this one time when my friend Tulio and I snuck into a ship builders..."

"Tell me about it. Adventure stories make me... excited," she purred. She took his drink and oddly Miguel found that he didn't mind.

"Oh, it was exciting," Miguel said enthusiastically. Strangely he was having trouble remembering details. "It was." He shook his head. "What's more exciting is the job we're going to pull tomorrow." He jabbed the sky with his finger. "You see, there's this chalice thing..."

///

When Miguel woke up and was still in the pub he knew that something had gone awry. When sitting up caused the entire pub to start spinning and the light caused serious pain when it hit his eyes, he knew that something had gone badly awry.

He had to lay back down under the table for another hour to get his bearings back. The last thing that he could remember was drinking. Lots of drinking. And some groping, yes, there had definitely been some of that. Oh dear.

After the pub stopped spinning Miguel made his way home and collapsed into bed.

Tulio let him sleep; so long as he was ready for tonight it didn't matter how he spent the day and this wasn't really different from many of Miguel's just post-show days.

True to form, Miguel was feeling much better by that evening, after spending the rest of the day sleeping off the ill effects from the previous evening.

"Right! Ready to go?" Miguel turned out rather dashingly in his black cassock, his paste sword hung at this belt.

"Miguel..."

"Yes, Tulio?"

"Priests don't wear swords, and certainly not paste ones."

"It was for effect only. I'm not planning to wear it out," Miguel retorted.

"Good, I want for this to go smoothly. Smooth as water."

"Water can be choppy," Miguel observed.

"Smooth as calm water then," Tulio said.

"Right, smooth," Miguel said. He gestured mimicking a boat sailing over a glassy lake.

"Ready."

They went out into the night.

///

All was quiet at the cathedral that night. They crept around the side to a door that Tulio knew was left unlocked. They slipped inside. Miguel wore his hood up to disguise his glowing blonde hair. Tulio just wore his up to make him look like he belonged there; giddy gold lust wasn't exactly an approved look for a man of the cloth.

Miguel made his way to the alcove where the chalice was being displayed. There were two monks on guard, both sound asleep. That was fortuitous... a little too fortuitous. Tulio looked around. He crept forward carefully and lifted the velvet covering from the chalice.

And it wasn't there. In its place stood a crude clay beer mug. Tulio boggled.

"But... there's supposed to be a map." Miguel leaned over Tulio's shoulders.

"Forget the MAP, there's supposed to be gold!"

"I don't think that's the chalice," Miguel said.

"What was your first clue?" Tulio said flatly.

"STOP! THIEVES!" Boomed a loud and resonant voice from the far end of the cathedral.

"Run, Miguel!" Tulio vaulted over a pew dragging Miguel along with him as they made a break for the large front doors.

Miguel felt a twinge of worry as the doors started swinging shut. They were so close. Time seemed to slow down as Miguel saw Tulio straining forward to slip through the doors. Angry monks were closing in on them from all sides and Miguel remembered again why he had never visited Pamplona. He supposed that here in the church there was less chance of being gored to death, but looking at those threatening candelabras that two of the monks had grabbed he wasn't so sure.

There was an ominous boom and two figures in stolen cassocks slammed into thick wooden doors. They only missed then falling to the floor because they were grabbed by angry monks.

///

"It could have been worse," Miguel said brightly, trying to crane his neck enough to see Tulio's expression.

Tulio growled. His neck and back were sore; standing in the stocks did that to you. He was bruised all over from the beating the monks had given him last night, very un-Christ-like of them.

Miguel chewed his lip. "At least... we didn't get caught actually stealing it. They might have shot us for that, right?"

"Ngh," Tulio said.

Miguel stuck out his lower lip and stopped trying to engage Tulio in conversation. He looked out at the crowd and gave them his best smile. People ignored him. Just when he was going to close his eyes and see if it were possible to nap in the stocks (it isn't), he noticed a particularly voluptuous woman who looked strangely familiar.

"Miguel!" Tulio's voice was sharp. "That woman! Look in her bag!" Tulio gestured frantically and wildly at the knapsack the woman had. Just peeking out of the top a golden chalice studded with rubies was visible.

Miguel, with a sinking feeling, realized that she was not just familiar, he definitely knew her. She'd been that lovely squishy warm woman from two nights ago.

"She stole it out from under our noses!" Tulio wailed. He grasped desperately after it. "And she's getting away with it. Guards! Arrest that woman! She stole the chalice!"

A squishy wet overripe tomato caught Tulio in the mouth and the guards continued to ignore him.

Tulio spat the vegetable matter back out and sobbed not so quietly. He sagged in the stocks. "All that gold..."

Miguel watched the woman vanish into the crowd with a deeply guilty feeling in his tummy. "You know, maybe Barcelona isn't a good city for us. I hear Seville is quite nice this time of year, lots of sailors with money to spend."

Tulio just hung from the stocks like a man without a purpose in life.

Miguel tried again to rally him. "I've got some special dice..."

Tulio looked sideways. "I'm listening."

"It's warmer there too. And I hear the ale is not to be missed."

Tulio appeared to consider. "And we'd be away from that hellish landlady."

"I think this could be our lucky break, Tulio."

"All right. It's settled. Off to Seville!" Tulio jabbed a finger in the air.

"Just as soon as we're out of the stocks," Miguel said.

"Right." Tulio winced as a splinter jabbed him in the neck. "And no more hare-brained schemes from you. No more stupid map capers. You understand me?"

"Of... course." Miguel lied through his teeth. After a while Tulio would surely forget. After all, buried treasure was always full of gold and where there was a chance at finding gold, there would always be Tulio and Miguel.


End file.
